Wow! what can I really say. These last few months have really sucked. A couple of months ago I had a good friend die. Jason was a really cool dude.  Though he was often moody he had reason for it. I remember about 9 years ago I pretty much lived with this guy. We would smoke pot all day everyday, on Sundays we would do nothing and order delivery and call it “dead beat Sunday” I really miss those days. As we got a little older we did become distant from each other, not that we didn’t like each other our lives moved in different directions. He kept smoking pot and I moved on to heroin. I don’t know what to say is that I really miss him.  It has taken a full month and some more to set in that he is gone. I pulled out the card you get at the funeral and put it in a frame and set it in my room.  I think at this point that I really realized that he was gone.  What I don’t understand is why an event like this would want to make me do drugs?  It has been an uphill battle, I keep plugging away one day at a time. It just seems like everything sucks right now. I didn’t have any money when I was using everyday. Though I have a little more right now, still seems like I have very little. The days seem longer and I don’t seem to be much happier than I did a year ago. I quit going to Narcotics Anonymous, I think I need to find a new group.  The one I was going to sucked. Will my life get better?

POL